It’s been a while since I did an update, which I have been meaning to do, though various things happened with sleep, motivation and cleaning for my inspection that happened mid-week. So lots to talk about.
Anyway let’s get started.
I got my Saitek X55 Rhino H.O.T.A.S. joystick a few days after the last update which is a really nice joystick, setting it up was a little weird as the throttle seemed not able to detected properly in Windows and is noted on their website for this issue, I also found some stuff I would love them to address which I submitted back to them, but overall the joystick was fine to set up even with a bit of weirdness. I tried X Rebirth and while not all the controls are mapped, I’m mapping them as I go, the experience and movement of the joystick was fine a few minor deadzone issues which I’m not too worried about just yet and the rudder Z axis a bit notchy like frogglesim mentioned in his review, but overall a the joystick is great to use, the build quality which could have been a little better for the price.
I decided to use the second tightest stick mode as I felt the green spring was a bit too tight as the green is tightest stick movement spring, but the least pre compressed spring, red is loosest stick movement but the most pre compressed spring.
I did setup a Skype with Scott where I used XSplit to show 2 video cameras and X Rebirth all together and was thinking of doing something with that for a video review but I don’t think that either I’m or the equipment is good enough in that regard.
As a result and how I have been feeling and other things I haven’t turned on my Xbox and played blue dragon at all since last before the last updated.
The replacement for the Pioneer amp I bought came a week later after the joystick, which they had upgraded the amp from the 1122-k model to the 1123-k model which was nice, the only issue I had is the 1123-k model only has one optical input when I use two of them for my TV and Playstation 2 console, I can always get an optical switch box when the time comes to switch the amps over.
The amp itself is a nice unit and has an android controller app called iControl (originally made for IOS devices) I haven’t really looked at, which I’m doing now instead of typing this post and seems very cool with extra functionality, though using headphones most of that functionality is unavailable in that mode.
Overall the unit fine and sounds really good to what a home theatre amplifier should sound like, but having said that it’s the speakers that make the real difference between good and bad sound quality, which my headphones are (at the time) $300 Audio Technica ATH-A900, my speakers are all matched satellites from 2 Sony 5.1 home theatre amps with a few others from an old stand alone 5.1 amp my dad had where all connections are on the sub, luckily though with this replacement vamp the screen hasn’t gone off yet and no other issues have arisen band doubt they will, it was probably a good thing that happened as I got an upgrade to the year after model, which they had just after I bought mine with the same price on their online store.
Apart from that not much happened with purchases some cheap ones didn’t arrive which will be ongoing in that regard it seems and I got my money back on a fake Xaiomi power bank I bought, so things have been pretty boring in this regard but other things have been going on instead.
Microsoft did announce their next product in the Windows line over the last few weeks called Windows 10, which is meant to represent the one platform, one vision, one OS strategy which they toyed with Windows 8, they wanted to call it Windows One, but as an homage to Bill Gates and the first Windows version they couldn’t call it that obviously, for those trying Windows 10, Microsoft has changed a lot of stuff adding in virtual desktops similar to OSX and linux, they made full screen modern apps windowed and brought back the start menu, but instead as a hybrid menu but cooler being able to change design based on what you do with it whether searching, using the grid space to the right which can expand or can just go away completely and other things, they even upgraded the command terminal after soo many years of it being the same design with standard features such as copy/paste and a resizable window rather than a fixed viewpoint which should have been done many years ago.
Also Microsoft has released an app in Windows called Windows Feedback in which anyone can submit feedback on anything at all which Microsoft will directly use to help develop Windows for the future, I myself have submitted and started some of the top community replied to and supported feedback in the app. The future is looking bright for Microsoft if they keep true to their word with developing features based on this feedback. I’ll do an overview later about Windows 10.
Apples latest desktop operating system OSX 10.10 Yosemite was released the other day and I just managed to installed it after a bit of hassle for a few days getting it to work on my hardware, but overall Apple has adopted a cleaner flatter design and so far it seems the same as 10.9 Mavericks with a few ui tweaks and changes which appear slightly buggy at times, but that’s apples strategy each release apparently with small improvements each release.
I’ll post more about OS’s later as this post has been long to type.
Mostly over the last few weeks I have had to get ready for my rental inspection here which I mentioned I knew was coming up, also I was trying to clean up anyway due to packages from purchases and the room looking a bit of a mess with boxes and crap everywhere. While my unit is mostly clean, it’s still not where I expected it to be at this time this year, as I was hoping to relax and go through everything and do a major chuck out and clean up, as I wanted to try to create a kind of large minimalist space for my unit after seeing someone else’s apartment online, which is where the unit and design blends into each other in a clean design without stuff and clutter everywhere.
But for me I have boxes in my bedroom of pc parts and stuff I may not ever touch again like old game cd’s, books, stationary etc. Also I want to do away with the old TV box in the lounge behind my couch I use as a bench and speaker stands and put proper speaker stands in. Not to mention all the stuff on all my benches cables etc for things like in-front of me now is my external Sata power connector, drawing tablet pen USB charge cable , 80gb iPod cable and dock and tablet pogo connector etc, as well as all the HDD’s and MicroSD cards lying around ands this is just one bench of many.
I think I may need to ditch the bigger stuff first, old books, stationary etc to clean up the most space. Also I want to re-lay all my multimedia cables as if you didn’t know my images for these blogs are based on my main thing I’ve been doing, last time was being loads of products and cables etc this time its gaming with a joystick. Props go out to all the artists of these images as none of the images are mine and are from wallpaper and other sites mostly, I’ll respect any takedown or missing credit requests I get.
My sleep and motivation has been all over the place since the last blog, as just after I came down really tired and motivation wasn’t there unless its something I was directly focusing on like playing X Rebirth, setting up OSX or other things and why it has been a bit longer than I wanted to get an update done here, which I really wanted to do a couple of weeks back, I’m sure you all know that feeling.
My allergies have gotten worse at times over the last few weeks and was very bad the day of my inspection despite taking a anti antihistamine the night before, which was most likely due to cleaning up and is one of the reasons I’ve been really tired recently, I have 3 levels of anti histamines in strength, non drowsy, 6 hour drowsy and the big one being 25mg 12 hour drowsy (the normal 12 hour ones are only 10mg) so these are 2 and a half times the strength of normal 12 hour anti histamines, but come with a side effect cost of making you sleep and really tired for a few days after taking them also changing your sleep patterns. I’m sure if I had an active social life and went out more with others that would help offset these side effects and make me feel better, as doing nothing with oneself makes the tiredness feeling and sleeping worse.
Well my cough came back :'( but luckily it hasn’t broken out as bad as it was, just things like ice cream, milk etc has been setting it off a little so I’m trying to monitor it and reduce the risk of it getting worse, but if it flares up again I’m going straight back to the doctor to get it checked out.
Had a minor issue with my neighbour about a week ago with him coming round at 10:30pm hearing me bang my razor to clean it a few times thinking I was banging on the wall deliberately to upset him so he got angry over it, I let my real estate know for reference and accountability, also if he put in a complaint which I had a feeling he wouldn’t do as it’s just too out there this incident, while I can see his point of view, some noise and lifestyle habits have to be expected, especially with living soo close to each other, if he does have an issue with me he can come round anytime during the day and if he is calm, mature and respectful I will chat to him about things, I do even try to change habits etc as a result to try to be respectful, I would even go as far as to take him out for lunch and pay for it as that’s the type of guy I am, I hate it when someone hates me and thinks I don’t care about anyone or that I am out to get people, I do try to show everyone respect and courtesy to the point that I want to try to change people’s views about me. He doesn’t seem to go to work etc and stays home like me all day long, I have heard he doesn’t work due to compensation because of his back and that he also does some freelance programming jobs at home.
He does seem to get angry at things, he seems to be one of those guys who just acts tough and rude to most people if you look at him the wrong way, but as I have said everyone is a good person, I can see it in him also as he has 1 friend that comes round on Sundays, and a lady who is a family member I think, that visits mid-week occasionally, these two people are all I have seen him socialise with locally since he moved in, as I have said I know those people wouldn’t want to know him if he was a bad person, which is true for everyone in this world as I have stated many times. I do wonder why he is soo rude to people and if anything has happened in his past to make him bitter towards people and feel that everyone is out to get him. I also feel bad that he doesn’t go out and have a life, or know many people it seems and wish there was something I could do to help him, but I keep very much to myself here and anytime I have spoken to him he has gone off at me for making too much noise, the first time was understandable but he didn’t need to be very rude about it and second time just a few days ago was a bit weird.
My emotional state has been all over the place from being ok and focused on games and stuff I’m doing and focusing on to feeling upset at my social and life here, in which I really need to get out and have a social life as I can’t live the rest of my life like this.
The last time I did anything was start of August at Neko Nation, you can read how that night went on its own earlier blog post, yes that’s right its been just over 2 months since I last did anything social with others and also the last time I have heard from people I met from their and that will most probably be my next social event I go to in December excluding family stuff, now that’s a sad life as that will be 4 months between social things. Obviously I’m not going to hear anything back from these people I met as I would have heard something by now, also this is one reason I don’t reach out to people initially and see where there interests are as I know most people do not care about contacting me themselves and if you contact them yourself, your just told oh sorry I changed phones and lost my contact numbers or I’ve been busy even those on Skype for example that you still see updating there profile images in the last few days.
I’ll say here, I’m sorry, I’m soo sorry if I am not good enough or stable enough to be a sociable person and if this anxiety I have hurts me with knowing people and the friendships and relationships I try to make with people, I wish I wasn’t like this and could be an outgoing person but all the stuff in the past I’ve been through and recently with friends having selfishness stuff only wanting to do their own has hurt me a lot that this anxiety etc has happened with me. I want to be a better person, a happier person but … but I just don’t get the chances and opportunities or the treatment back from people who I need to grow and be a better person.
In a month its my birthday on November 18 this year I’m pretty much by myself more so than usual having lost all of my local friends due to things about them, I don’t know how I am going to be feeling but not good, Scott asked me to spend it online with him but I’m not that type of guy as I have spent many New Year eves and Christmas eves and birthdays alone in front of my pc doing nothing or online in a MMO or something and its very upsetting for me, last years Christmas and new years hit me hard and the year before I was out with a group of people where I knew that girl but hadn’t heard from her for a couple of weeks prior so anxiety went to crap and I started to break down and cry when she pulled me aside to chat after I was very quiet, shy and awkward after getting there, so it’s getting to that time of this year again holiday period in Australia as schools, and higher education break up for summer and people take time off work etc to spend it with friends and family to go out to restaurants, beach and night life, while just having what they call the summertime fun and love, so I know I’m going to be total crap having no social life and local friends, somehow I feel it’s all my own fault with people and that I’m cursed with everyone I meet being soo selfish only wanting to do their own thing, yet some of these people will do things when other people ask them but not with me.
My dad also has scheduled his wedding for the 21st of November at the registry office which is soo near my birthday on the 18, that I feel a bit overshadowed and that I may be pushed aside a bit with attention at one of the worse periods of my life socially which wouldn’t come as a surprise really, I have been asked to go and also to the lunch afterwards and will as my dad only really wants me from the family and a friend and his wife to be representative there, as most other family members either don’t keep in contact with him or have differences of opinions and can come across a bit pushy and their own lives and families.
My dad hasn’t been the best to me over my life with many instances even until and since I moved out three years ago, he has flipped and started screaming at me occasionally for little things, which is due to a medical condition with controlling his emotions, its gotten a lot less over the years and nowadays I know I can stand my ground, if not just go home, but since 2009 happened and just before he started seeing that I had social issues and various things were going on either bullying or just fitting in that wasn’t my fault and has in a way shown compassion towards that, I won’t go as far as saying that he tried to support me as he has stated he can’t support me in social areas and help me get a life due to the age difference and interests etc.
I myself try to give respect and care about anyone regardless and if I can’t in terms of they won’t accept it, I just keep to myself quietly without backlash, my dad has seen this side of me as since 09 as I’ve tried to be more and more like this and as such he is trying to show respect for that and listen to me and my views more than he used to, to the point he isn’t so as one would say pig-headed about doing and believing his own thing, as he accepts my opinions a lot more nowadays on things than he used to, as I when I do or say things I know what I am talking about and have done my research else I wouldn’t say it.
I always take a view that if you are going to so something you do it properly and don’t cut costs as it hurts you later and I know that from experience many times from running game servers and choosing components to choosing what you need and more in functionality and I never settle for just enough or just under in features.
It’s my dads birthday on the 30th of this month and he will be 80 I offered him dinner to thank him for help with getting the dishwasher for me and his lady for her help doing the front garden as well as other things from both of them which has been a huge help, but we are going to split the costs as he doesn’t feel right me paying for it all when my birthday is also a couple of weeks later.
I personally I try not to publicly care about my birthday as I want people to care about me all year round not do something just because it’s my birthday then go back to doing their own things, privately though it’s the complete opposite and pains me and I care allot.
I look at caring about and helping to support others instead of my own self and birthdays etc as last year on the week of my birthday I spent it getting and setting up someones laptop and doing everything in that regard for that person, without asking anything in return, that was the person I mentioned that he only does his own thing, he did do a movie day here, but apart from that we didn’t do much else, this is the type of person I am towards people I will always sacrifice myself for others in this regard, everyone I meet and speak to tells me I overdo things and I shouldn’t be doing all this for people, yet at the same time I hear from supposed friends that I don’t care about anyone and am selfish myself.
I sent a message to someone online a couple of months back who I haven’t heard from for a while which we share mutual interests and things I will not mention which are kinda personal to both of us, I stopped talking to that person when he pretty much said that he couldn’t see the point in trying to get a life and being a sociable person, when this person is married and has kids, the thing is though there’s no way he would get a wife if he didn’t try to be sociable with others as you can’t meet people staying in or doing things by yourself, you need to try to go out, be sociable and try to meet people.
To get a wife one needs to socialise with that other person taking them out to dinner and other things to get to know them, you can’t do that if you only do your own thing or don’t try to make socialising happen. As well with having kids for example, you’re not a good parent if your kids are like daddy/mommy come to my sports game or swimming trials and your like nope don’t care I do my own thing, to get a girlfriend, wife etc you have to put the effort in and things need to go both ways as my dad is also finding out somewhat in recent times during the last year.
So I decided to message him again, I explained why I stopped talking to him and how life was and what my views were and I think he understands, as I said last post we rely on everyone for something even the shopkeeper to sell is food, also the typical meme half quote comment can’t get a girlfriend or wife if you don’t put in the effort or she or you only cares about themselves.
I asked about helping this site I plan to do as he is one if not the main backend admins of another site I won’t mention but he doesn’t have the time to help with my project. I know I have been vague about how I know him but its a thing that a lot of people don’t like to be too open about and is an if you’re in the community then you chat and discuss it with others and can connect with people while sharing your views and experiences with them, if not then it’s usually kept personal. With knowing him we share many similar views and emotional states and anxieties in life, we do have different reasons why we both became part of the community, my reasons are more emotional and personal than his, but we both ended up at the same place in a way sharing experiences with each other. It’s been just over 2 years since I started talking to him and we will keep conversations going occasionally on email.
I did get a message a few days ago from someone I sent a message to a month ago, he was a manager I promoted up in the Minecraft server I ran, he works in web and graphics design area for companies etc and I sent the message about my site project, in about a week or so he will get back after a work trip and will chat to me then about it my hope is maybe I can semi partner with him like old times to get this thing up and running and have him help with all the essential coding and backend stuff, but I’ll see and chat to him about it. I’ll offer him something for helping though as this is a personal project than a mutual interest.
Not leaving Scott out from my blog, he has had some issues with online bullying from someone who baited him probably due to a conversation a few people had, who he has some issues with in the past from an online community I mentioned about where I found him, they were probably thinking it would be fun to try to stir him up with a string of abuse at which point he snapped back and told them to bring it on and to be a big man and prove themselves, which is not the way to do it for a few reasons, one you basically confirm their bait and 2 you are then egging them on. The best thing to do is either politely ask why they have an issue with you and just leave it and wait or try to ignore what happened and move on, I usually ask within reason to try to find out what the issue is they have about me, though I do leave it sometimes.
The best thing I found though is be nice and polite to everyone regardless of who they are, even going as far as being nicer when they get angrier and I’ll tell a story after talking about Scott, I have chatted to him online and after a lot of reasoning he understands how he should be but finds it hard not to react back like that, I know how hard it is personally as I still snap back like that sometimes when things really get to me with someone and we all do it regardless of who we are, but I always try if I do snap to make it polite and to the point and I’m always trying to be a better person.
Scott was also all upset a while back at the last update I did about people saying stuff behind his back when he himself tells me he wants to see them boiled in lava while he laughs at them with satisfaction etc, which one could say would hurt their feelings if they read this and no I won’t mention who these people are as that would be getting in on it which I am not going to do, I am however mentioning it as an example on how the circle of stuff can keep going and that one needs to see that life isn’t worth it and to focus on yourself by stepping out, either ignoring it or just being polite and carrying on with one’s life without thoughts like that as it’s not about how we are outward to others but also about who we are on the inside and finding our inner core, the things that wrap up us with soft fluffy wool, make us giggle like were high and the things that make us cry because they’re soo beautiful they bring us instantly to tears. Life to me is about finding out what makes us who we are, while living every moment the happiest and fulfilled we can be without worrying about everything else around us or getting wrapped up in the crud of life.
Ultimately the worst that can happen with most people is you stop talking to them ever again and you forget and go your separate ways which has happened to me so many times, yes things can get ugly but if that happens you don’t want to be the one reacting back flaring them up, as there are laws and rules in the counties to deal with it and by keeping to yourself not much can go wrong in western civilised society, for example if you go into the city and some drunk guy screams at you, you don’t want to snap back and tell him to bring it on as he will react back and do just that, even if you look his way he may still react back, this is where you acknowledge to yourself his position and the situation you’re in then you react accordingly while quietly moving on.
Overall I advised Scott to just keep to himself and a close circle of people and don’t associate with anyone that knows these people and to be quiet online on forums even if others could lurk etc and to think about his own interests and hobbies he is getting into, while this hobby isn’t a bad one it’s probably something he should think about as being pa personal thing for himself for now until he is actually ready to move forward with it, as some have seen him a bit too ambitious and outgoing with his plans, views etc to the point it’s probably freaked them out a bit much and made him come across as weird, so I think its time he keeps it to himself and only a couple of others until such time he is ready to actually proceed with the hobby, then contact those relevant if he wishes to make a purchase etc, but at the same time being quiet and cautious about things and if he succeeds in the hobby then all good, he can quietly show up those that don’t believe and gave him crap.
To be mature and proceed is not to brute force your way into respect etc but to go off into the desert taking only with you what you need and quietly build up your forces and preparations. A foolish mans runs into battle a wise man goes off on his own to train and progress to succeed with his life, many people have done this in the past emerging later only to be better than ever.
That story I was going to mention was a true story told to me by a youth pastor many years ago I respected and knew everyone involved years after it happened, who told me a story of these neighbourhood guys who were being thugs to their members in which point they were real bullies and thought they were soo tough, so the pastor rounded up the toughest and bulkiest members of the church and family members and went round to the gang leaders house. Now you would think they ruffed the guy up but they didn’t, instead they cleaned his house did all his gardening and other things and were super polite the entire way and the guy was absolutely shocked at it and I think became a christian and changed his ways, the guys apparently had a good chuckle afterwards and still did many years later when I knew them, as the event would always pop-up in conversation when talking about being tough and one guy who acted tough all the time but was actually quite soft once you knew him.
So overall I’m at another posts end and I’m delighted that there are heaps of songs this blog post a lot of variance, lots of Ibiza lounge style it seems, so here are the standouts from a long list.
There were soo many more songs I could have added these ones were my stars standouts for the night.
So until next post which will be a specific about recent about product purchases and OS’s and other stuff, which should be the mid to end of the week to get it out of the way.
This is me mark, drguild signing out until next time.